Thursday, August 21, 2008

Birthday Cake Blues

I'm sad.

So, Ezra started school at Presbyterian Preschool this last Tuesday. He goes twice a week (every Tuesday and Thursday) from 9:00-11:30. He absolutely adores it. My very grumpy non-morning person of a little boy turns all chipper when he has to get dressed for school. Overall, it's going really well. He loves his class, his teachers, his classroom, and the dreamed-of outside toy area he has yet to play on (it was raining on Tuesday). In our house, when Ezra's happy, we're all happy.

Now, let me emphasize that watching my little boy go to school is not the reason I cried the entire drive home from dropping him off this morning. It wasn't the fact I had only managed to slick down his cowlicks with water squirted from his sippy and not gel (darn these early-morning classes). It wasn't that he was still wearing old flip-flops instead of new school shoes (I promise I'm buying him some tomorrow, Steph ;). Nope, all those tears were over the snack-time equivalent of spilled milk. 100% whole, straight from a cow, normal milk. For snack-time today, someone's fabulous mother is bringing birthday cake. For most kids (and their over-emotional, hormonal, pregnant mommies), this is nothing but a good thing. Those kids don't have food allergies. I cried the whole drive home because Ezra won't get to have birthday cake with all the other kids. Heck, I'm still crying because of it. While I know it probably won't even be that big of deal to Ezra, my heart still hurts for him. He's never been able to have all the snacks the other kids do (at nursery, family gatherings, playgroup...) and he is usually fine with it, but still I'm sad. He knows he can't have all the food that everyone eats and will inform me that he can't eat X because it makes his tummy hurt, but still he gets bummed when watching others eat fun foods. I've always tried to minimize the differences between their treats and his-making sure he has his own cupcake at birthday parties, bringing italian ice for him at ice cream socials, giving him safe candy at Halloween, and all that. It's just the mental picture of his sad little face as they pass out the birthday cake and him understanding he can't have any, but still being disappointed at his measly pop-tart. I really, truly know this is such a little bump in the grand scheme of things and I thank heaven even night for my son's good health, without his food allergies even crossing my mind. Really, I truly try to look at his allergies in perspective. It's just that my heart aches for my poor 2 (almost 3) year old who has to watch his friends eat cake in front of him and is mature enough not to throw a fit about it. I know I can't protect him from this and that life is rarely fair, but he's just so little to be learning such a grown-up lesson. So, as is the way of mommies the world over, I'm crying over my child's pain, crying I can't protect him from reality forever, and crying because, for once, I can't kiss it and make everything all better.

Ezra on his very first day of school (August 19th). Isn't he just so grown-up!


The Tea Leaf said...

That would make me cry too. But it is so sweet that he handles it so well. He does look so handsome and grown-up!

patshala said...

That is so sad! I amazed at how well he takes it. You are a great momma!

Zachary said...

Man...I am on the verge of tears just reading this. And the cute pictures at the end don't help matters, you Heart-String-Pulling-Blogger! You are such a fantastic mother. Ezra is lucky kid to have you.

On another note...did you switch religions on us? Presbyterian??

Just kidding.

Zachary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nate and Julie said...

Ezra sounds like such a sweet little guy. Sometimes things like this are harder for the mommies than they are for the little ones. You're an awesome mom, Whitney!

Alabama Apples said...

His auntie was close to tears reading this post, too...crazy hormones and love, I guess. He looks so grown up! I miss you all tons!!! Please give him kisses from Auntie Lib and let him know I love and miss him. Kiss Georgie for me, too. I love you!

Jenni said...

Aww that must be so hard!

He looks super cute though for the first day of school.

Steph said...

Poor Little Man. He is such a trooper and I can attest very mature about the whole allergy bit. I can understand how heart-wrenching it can be watching your child hurt. I am so sorry, Whit. You are an excellent parent trying to do the best for your just sometimes really hurts. He looked really handsome on the first day!

Thank you for the shout-out regarding the shoes...I barely noticed the old, camo flip-flops yesterday. But wouldn't a nice pair of school shoes make everyone breath a little easier? ;)

the Hurst's said...

sadness, my heart goes out to you whitney *hug*. it truly is hard sometimes to watch our kids experience life, deal with it rather. turn that frown upside down in knowing that you will most likely get a heath conscience child out of this and he will spread it to his olive shoots ;)

Nicki said...

I'm sorry! That must be so hard :(

I came across this recipe today and thought of you and Bethany. I couldn't figure out how to email you, so I hope it's okay that I post the link here! I think it will work with your children's food allergies - hopefully! :)

Take care! :)
Nicki (young_mommy)

Craig Lifferth said...

If you are looking for shoes for Ezra feel free to check out Wal-Mart. They do have really cool shoes, plus it will help him stay cool in school.

The Wright's said...

I can't believe how much he looks like Spencer!!
What a great mom you are. And what a special person Ezra is. I hope the birthday cake worked out fine - those situations usually only bother us, the mothers.
What a great mom you are.